Navigating Bi Visibility in a Binary World
What do Bi/Queer people look like?
Bi visibility hasn’t exactly been a thing, amiright? Do we have a unique style? What outward indicators clue others into our orientation? Do we necessarily need to adopt gay or lesbian fashion norms? Most people want to be read correctly—but what happens when Bi/Pan people don’t have a look of our own?
It’s a touchy subject, especially for people coming out later in life. Do you recall feeling like you wanted other people to know you’re Bi but feeling unsure how to pull that off? I remember feeling so out of my element when I first started messing with my style and presentation. (I wouldn’t exactly say I’m a Bi/Queer fashion icon at this point, but I think I at least look somewhat queer. Minus my Costco pants.)
If you have a straight partner, does that negate or water down your queerness? No. It does not, thank you very much.
Can you change your style after a certain point?
At what point is it no longer okay to change up your look? 25? 30? Ever?
It can sometimes feel like cultural appropriation to suddenly add queer flair to your wardrobe. Partners and friends might notice with unease: Who is this new person I thought I knew?
Of course, we can change our styles at any point in our lives. By doing so, you might even inspire others to do the same.
Being misread is a constant for Bi people.
We’re still creating Bi-culture. What are the unique expressions of a group of people who often have a foot in both worlds? Bi people frequently have straight partners, which can obscure our fluid nature.
If I have a fresh undercut or am dressed more “gay” and am out to lunch with my husband, the server will ask if we want to split the bill. (We never get asked this when I’m dressed more femme.)
This continues to both annoy and amuse me. We act pretty married, after all—I correct his order, he steals half my drink after saying, “he doesn’t want one,” and we’re talking about our kids. STILL, someone will read me as a lesbian when it should be obvious that I’m Bi.
The Closet Conundrum.
The numbers are a bit all over the place, but studies suggest that 50–70% of Bi people in the U.S. remain closeted.
Can you imagine what would shift if we all came out? Nobody could make assumptions about anyone quite so easily. Perhaps our style could simply be our style, and we wouldn’t feel the need to signal anything.
Identities are not fixed.
Coming out as Bi is a bold move. It challenges the notion of a fixed identity that must have been present since childhood. Society often frames any deviation from this “fixed” identity as a sign of confusion, dishonesty, or greed. But as bisexuals, we know the truth: we are naturally fluid in many ways, and our ability to embrace this fluidity is a strength.
We’re a Fluid Bunch.
Bi people often approach gender and sexuality with flexibility, making it harder to fit into rigid labels like “masc” or “femme.” Julia Shaw, in her book Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality, notes that while most people can picture a stereotypical gay man or lesbian woman, there isn’t a clear “look” for bisexuals. This lack of a defined mold means we have the freedom to explore and redefine what Bi identity means for each of us.
Representation Matters.
For decades, queer representation in media and culture has been dominated by gay men and lesbian women. Now, as more bisexuals, trans, and nonbinary folks step into the light, societal norms around gender, relationships, and orientation are being questioned and reshaped. This shift can sometimes create discomfort—but it also opens the door for authentic self-expression. We need more Bi visibility!
Play and Celebrate.
Feeling inspired? Try playing with your expression. Add a queer pin, a rainbow accessory, or experiment with a gender-bendy look. Expression is powerful, and it’s yours to explore. Remember: shifting orientations and identities as you grow is just as valid and worth celebrating as the other roles you take on in life—whether as a spouse, parent, professional, or artist.
We’re Here for You.
BConnected celebrates and supports the full spectrum of bisexual and queer identity. Our community is here to uplift you, whether you’re just starting to embrace your bi identity or have been out for years. This is a safe space to play with your expression in a multitude of ways.
Change your look, change it back again, or explore different relationship styles—we’re here for all of it.
Cheers,
Three Brodsky, Founder of BConnected
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