How the Blueprint for an Inclusive, Empowered Community was Formed
This article isn’t just a philosophical ramble (though, yes, I do love those). It’s also the big-picture blueprint for how I’m thinking about BConnected’s future—and how you can be part of building it.
There are seven principles for a healthy community that I outline in sections that include real-life, non-theoretical actions you can take if you feel the call. So if you’re wondering, “Cool vision, but what do I do?”—don’t worry, I’ve got you.
Whether you’re new here or you’ve been around since the early Meetup days (you know who you are), this is your invitation to jump in and help shape the culture we’re creating together.
Creating Bisexual Community in Colorado from Scratch
Bisexuals are shapeshifters. We’re like border crossers with dual citizenship—comfortable (or at least familiar) in multiple worlds. We live in the in-between, the liminal, the undefined.
Sound familiar?
That liminality is more than just a quirk of identity—it’s our superpower. It positions us as natural bridges between Queer and Straight worlds. And in a time when division is the norm and partisan politics threaten community, I’d argue we need more bridges, not fewer.
Building Bi+ community is unlike building any other kind. We’re not just creating space—we’re creating culture.
Yes, our multifaceted nature makes us curious, adaptable, and capable of seeing life from several angles. But that same complexity can make us feel adrift. We can lose our compass—and sometimes, even each other.
Despite being the largest group under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, an estimated 50–70% of us are still closeted, depending on which study you read. Many Bi people go through life not knowing a single other openly Bi person, which is nuts.
Bi-erasure isn’t just external—it happens within us, too.
When I came out in 2015, I wanted to know: Where are the rest of us? Were the statistics right? Were we truly the largest group? After feeling unsatisfied with what little Bi+ community I could find, I set out to find my fellow Bi world travelers.
The answer was a resounding yes—Bisexuals DO, in fact, exist. We’re out here. We’re just not always in daylight.
Younger folks (under 35) are more likely to be out. Us Gen Xers? Many are navigating long-term relationships, marriages, and deeply-rooted lives that make coming out complicated. One of BConnected’s hopes is to make that transition a little easier.
Thankfully, I wasn’t alone in wanting to live in the daylight—and to truly know other Bi people.
My first goal in forming BConnected was simple: get other Bs in the same room. That alone was revolutionary for a long time. Multiple people stepped up to host events, and slowly but surely, something powerful began to form.
But I’ve always had a bigger dream: not just community but lasting culture.
When I say culture, I mean something deeper than just a series of events or a shared identity. I’m talking about the creation of traditions, rituals, shared language, inside jokes, common values, creative collaboration, and collective stories. As well as a sustainable community that has an active base of people contributing to the health and well-being of the group. Culture is what gives a community roots. It’s what keeps people coming back—not just for connection, but for a sense of meaning. It helps us feel like we’re part of something that matters.
Once we proved we existed in numbers, the next question became: How do we ensure that our community continues to thrive?
That’s not a short-term project. It’s a decades-long journey. But as of April 2025, BConnected is nearly 10 years in, and we’re just getting started!
The good news is that BConnected is now a nonprofit. WOOT WOOT! The next chapter of this work is deeper, wider, and more rooted than ever before.
Over the past year, as we’ve laid the legal and organizational foundation—filing for 501(c)(3) status, forming a board, writing policies, and crafting a strategic plan—I’ve also been reflecting on the internal framework of what we’re building.
I want to share a deeper layer of our vision beyond our mission statement.
BConnected is about creating a space where everyone who enters feels like they belong—and more than that, like they can help build it.
A big part of how I’m shaping this vision comes from the work of Charles H. Vogl.
His book, The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging, had a huge impact on me. It’s short, accessible, and incredibly practical. In it, he outlines seven principles for creating authentic belonging. These principles are gathered from 100s, if not 1000s, of years of how humans relate to each other.
I’d like to walk you through those principles and show you how I’m weaving them into the fabric of BConnected.
What is a community?
At its basic level, a community is a group of people who share a common interest, identity, or purpose and interact with one another in some way. Communities can be based on geography, shared experiences (LGBTQ+ folks, activists, parents, etc.), or common goals (spiritual seekers, artists, business owners, activists, etc).
At its core, a community provides connection, belonging, and support.
— Principle One: Boundaries —
“Members want to know who’s in the community and shares their values. Visitors want to know a safe way to explore without committing themselves. Novices prefer to know at what point they’ve joined a community. A boundary is the recognized demarcation between insiders (members) and outsiders. This boundary should be more about making the inside space safe for insiders than about keeping outsiders out. Where there’s a boundary, insiders feel more confident that they share values and that they understand one another better than outsiders.”
— Charles H. Vogl
Communities need definition—who’s in the group and who’s not. If we’re for everyone, we’re for no one in particular.
At BConnected, we welcome anyone under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, with a heavy focus on Bi+ people. Read more here on who BConnected is for and how we define Bi/Queer.
IN THE BEGINNING (read in a James Earl Jones Bible voice)… Just kidding. But seriously, when I started BConnected, I wanted to find people like me. Married Bi folks trying to come out and B out, as I like to say.
But lucky for me (and all of us), the group quickly attracted a beautifully broad mix of Queer folks. Trans people were showing up in equal numbers to Bi folks, often overlapping. In fact, under the Queer umbrella, the Bs, Ts, and Qs often travel in the same circles. There’s something about being in-between, expansive, and outside traditional boxes that connects us.
We’ll always keep the lantern lit for the Bs, who’ve historically had very little community or representation. But we also know that identity is evolving. I have a hunch that the letters will start to melt over time, and it’ll become more and more normal not to assume anyone’s gender, attraction, or relationship status. Until then, we’ll use the labels that help us find each other.
So, what’s BConnected’s boundary? All the letters are welcome. And yes, allies, too—as long as they’re showing up with their Queer person. Bi people often have straight partners, and we want to include them, too. Like I said, Bs are natural bridges between worlds, and that’s something worth celebrating. We’re not trying to be separatists—we’re trying to create belonging and even social mending.
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: Don’t be shy about bringing a buddy to an event who’s straight. We welcome allies! And/or invite your fellow Queer friends who might not know that we welcome everyone under the rainbow to our events.
— Principle Two: Initiation —
“We all want to know that we’re truly accepted into the communities we join. An initiation is any activity that’s understood as official recognition and welcome into the community. It marks the journey over the boundary and into the inner ring. After the initiation, insiders gain new privileges and are valued for having crossed over. They have nothing more to prove. They feel confident and welcome in their belonging.”
— Charles H. Vogl
When I read that passage, my heart leaped out of my chest.
I don’t know a single Bi person who hasn’t felt like an impostor at some point. Most of us have felt like outsiders, faking it, trying to keep up with the shiny Gays and Lesbians with their matching uniforms and organized teams. Meanwhile, the Bs and Ts? We’re the scrappy kids from down the block in borrowed, mismatched gear, fingers looped into the chain-link fence, watching the game. Can we play? Are we on the team? Are we disqualified because of a body part or the fact that we’ve “slept with the enemy?”
To be clear, I don’t think the Ls and Gs meant to create that dynamic. They were trying to survive, be recognized, and win rights. But somewhere along the way, the more marginalized letters—especially the Bs and Ts—got left on the edges. I’m not saying this to throw shade. I’m saying it because belonging matters, and many of us have felt like we didn’t.
We haven’t always felt at home in existing spaces, so we’re creating our own. A place where everyone under the rainbow is invited. And here’s the beautiful thing: as Vogl reminds us, initiation doesn’t have to be fancy. It can be a simple act that says: You’re seen. You’re part of this. A mini-ritual. A symbol. A token.
Boi, did I luuuuuuv reading that! Nothing delights me more than a tiny printed card, a logo sticker, or a fabulous enamel pin. I was halfway to the printer before I finished the chapter.
So, how does initiation look at BConnected? We have a few stages based on patterns I’ve observed and ones I’m intentionally creating.
1. Joining the Meetup
Initiation: Fill out a few quick prompts that get reviewed by a senior member. Yep, it’s that simple. Just a few questions to make sure people understand what the group is—and what it’s not.
In the early days, we had to do a lot of clarifying that this wasn’t a swingers group (no shade to the happy horny swingers—we just like to keep our clothes on at events). We also had to redirect straight couples who were unicorn-hunting. If one or both people are Bi, they’re totally welcome—but this isn’t the place to blow in looking for a cute snack. It’s a community, not a buffet.
So we landed on: Couples are welcome (assuming at least one person is Bi or questioning), but please be chill.
Also, a reminder: You count even if you’ve never “acted on” your identity. I hear it all the time—”I’m Bi, but I’ve never been with [insert gender], and I’m not looking to date anyone outside my current relationship.” YES. You still count. We’re here for you, too.
2. Showing up to your first event
For many, this is a huge step. I’ve had people tell me it took them a year to work up the courage to attend. They’re just coming out, or they’ve been out but don’t know any other Queer people. It’s scary to show up to a new group alone. So we do our best to meet folks where they are.
Initiation: Ideally, you’re personally welcomed. You get a card with our lovingly crafted logo, a verbal “We’re glad you’re here,” a name tag, and an explanation of what’s happening at the event. Sounds simple, right? But if you’ve ever walked into a room where none of that happens, you know how unsettling it is. You don’t know where to stand, who to talk to, or whether you’re really welcome. That moment of someone inviting you in—that’s what we’re all about.
3. Becoming a contributing/sustaining member
After a few events, you might feel ready to give back. Maybe you welcome a newcomer into your convo. Maybe you bake something for our potluck brunch, Queers & Quiche (a classic!). These small acts are huge, and we hope you know how much they create a warm and welcoming environment when you contribute in these ways. In addition to those meaningful contributions, you can also help create long-term sustainability for Bconnected by becoming a volunteer and/or a Sustaining Member.
Initiation: For folks who host events or donate to BConnected, I send a handwritten thank-you note and a little symbol of appreciation, like a sticker or enamel pin. These tokens say, “You’re not just here. You belong. You matter. And we see you.”
4. Stepping into leadership
This is brand-new territory for us! We’re still defining what it means to be on the board and how we welcome new leaders.
Initially, it went something like this: Timmy, Jacob, and I met in the alley five minutes before filing the paperwork, put our hands together, and declared, “Bi or DIE.”
Initiation: TBD. This year, we’re formalizing our policies and defining how we welcome board members and committee leaders.
When you feel like you belong in a group, you start to invite others in. And that invitation? It’s powerful. It says I’m rooted here, and you can be too.
Because belonging isn’t fluff.
It’s foundational.
It’s a human need.
And at BConnected, it’s our #1 goal.
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: If you see a new person at an event, —help take them under your wing and make them feel comfortable. Ask them to join your conversation or sit next to you. If you’ve been around for a bit, we warmly encourage you to make a contribution to your community in any number of ways. You can volunteer or give to the group financially. Your help is needed to keep BConnected going.
— Principle Three: Rituals —
“A ritual is any practice that marks a time or event as special or important. The actions are imbued with meaning. They connect the present with things in the past and hope for the future. Psychologist Roy Baumeister conducted a four-hundred-person survey to distinguish happiness from meaningfulness. His research indicated that ‘meaningfulness’ involves understanding our own lives beyond the present time and place. It comes when we reflect on what came before us and how we’re connected to the future. Meaningfulness arises when we integrate now with the future and past.
Our health, wealth, and relationships may change, — but rituals are a tool for bringing meaning into our lives. Anyone who’s spent time within a religious tradition has noticed that there are rituals for virtually every stage of lifetimes of happiness, sorrow, and hope. Marriages, funerals, and even dancing are all ritualized.”
– Charles H. Vogl
A routine becomes a ritual when it’s meaningful to you.
BConnected has already developed some accidental rituals over the years, and those are valuable just as they are. We gather and eat together, play games, craft, and welcome in the NewBs. These routines have their own gravity. But I’d love for us to start building more intentional rituals — ones that anchor us even more deeply to ourselves, each other, and the world around us.
Vogl gives a beautifully simple formula for creating a ritual:
Opening
Welcome
Set an intention
Reference a tradition
Explain what will happen
Body
Share wisdom
Invite participation
Closing
Acknowledge the experience
Send folks off
My hope is to develop three kinds of additional rituals in the BConnected ethos:
Nature-based, meditative, and rites of passage (which, in a way, are the Big Boss Level rituals)
Nature-Based Rituals
We’ve already begun these without realizing it. Our full moon hikes connect us to the rhythm of the earth. Our Solstice Bonfire touched something primal and ancient — the kind of connection humans have made with the sun and seasons since forever.
These types of rituals invite everyone’s ancestors into the circle. All cultures, all times, all people have looked to the sky and marked these turning points.
Going forward, I’d love for us to celebrate the summer and winter solstices, as well as the spring and fall equinoxes. I can’t promise we’ll always hit the exact calendar date, but we’ll do our best to stay aligned with the spirit of the season.
Meditative Rituals
We did one — and it was great. In December 2024, I co-hosted a guided meditation at the Butterfly Pavilion. Picture tropical plants, warm air, and butterflies floating around us as we connected to our bodies, our community, and the earth.
My dream? A monthly meditative ritual — a guided meditation, sound bath, or something similarly grounding and nourishing. We just need a consistent space. (So, if you know a good one, let’s talk!)
Rites of Passage: Coming Out Ceremonies
Coming out is a rite of passage. Sometimes it’s celebrated. Sometimes it’s brushed past. I want us to be a community that celebrates this vulnerable and transformative act.
My vision: Twice a year, we hold a gathering to honor those who’ve recently come out. No gatekeeping. Maybe you came out to your family but not at work. Maybe you just told one close friend. That counts. You count!
How sweet would it be to have a moment where the Queer community claps for you, says, “Good job,” and hands you a token of recognition? We could write well wishes on a card. Give hugs. Say, “It matters that you’re doing the work.”
We can make this real!
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: If this idea sparks interest in you, email me and let me know you want to help make it happen. We’ll need a few volunteers to help facilitate this plan.
— Principle Four: Temple —
“We all want a place where our community gathers, and we can do the things we long for in our everyday lives. A temple is simply a place where people with shared values enact their community’s rituals. Members know it’s where they’ll find their people. Those who are far away may long to visit. In some ways, the temple represents the community’s strength and legitimacy. It’s a ‘sacred space’ — a place set aside for a particular use.
A designated, permanent temple is nice, but not necessary: any space can become a temple simply by members gathering and enacting rituals.”
— Charles H. Vogl
Thank goodness for that last sentence, right?
BConnected is a floating third space right now. We gather all over the Denver Metro, Boulder, and Longmont areas. Some places have hosted us for years; others we’ve used once or twice. We adapt. We make it work.
This flexibility has its upsides — and its limits.
On the upside: temples cost money and take a lot of people to staff and maintain. We currently run lean and mean, without the overhead of rent or utilities. That’s allowed us to focus on building community rather than buildings.
On the downside: it’s hard to find consistent, welcoming spaces to host meditations, craft nights, skillshares, or rites of passage. Venue hunting can be stressful, and sometimes we lose momentum just trying to find a place to be.
As our community grows and more people pitch in financially each month, I hope we can move into a co-working space or share a space with another values-aligned group. We’ll need support, participation, and probably a few grants to make that leap.
We’ll have a clubhouse someday, my friend!
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: Become a Sustaining Member so we can rent a space! 🙌🏼
— Principle Five: Stories —
“Stories are the most powerful way we humans learn. Every community, like every person, is full of stories. Sharing certain stories deepens a community’s connections. If people don’t know (or can’t learn) your stories, they don’t know or understand your community. They can’t know who you are, what you do, or how what you do matters.
Stories are how members, future members, and outsiders learn the values and the value of the community. The stories must be shared so that members can understand the community’s authentic values and identity.”
— Charles H. Vogl
Stories matter. They tell us who we are and how we got to where we are. They bind us together. They help us feel like we belong.
At BConnected, we share stories in lots of ways — over a campfire, while playing a board game, or walking together under a full moon. We share vulnerable stories, weird stories, funny and triumphant stories. We talk about breakups and breakthroughs. We talk about coming out — sometimes over and over. We talk about joy, shame, self-discovery, and what it feels like to find your people.
And we also write them down!
Our blog is a space open to the community — a growing archive of our collective voice. Anyone is welcome to share a story there. It might be a personal reflection, an origin story, or a tale about what this community means to you. We want all of it. Because all of it matters.
There are different kinds of stories we need to tell:
- Origin stories — how things began, not just for BConnected the group, but for each of us on our Bi/Queer journeys.
- Value stories — what we believe in, individually and collectively.
- Vulnerable stories — who we really are, behind the social masks
Here’s a vulnerable story you may have heard from me that I still think about.
In the early days of BConnected, things were slow. I would put out the event listings and… no one would come. Or maybe one person would show up (awkward). I got discouraged. I felt like giving up. I had a full-blown tantrum about how it wasn’t working, and maybe we should just quit because everyone and everything is a big giant failure.
And Timmy — in their calm, chill way — said, “No. I think we should host more events.”
That moment changed everything. I often say Timmy saved BConnected right then and there.
It’s a small but powerful story — one of persistence, support, and the spark that community can be. It also tells you something about who we are: scrappy, hopeful, and not afraid to keep showing up. (Remind me to tell you about the time that I hopefully/defiantly held a table for twelve in a small restaurant because I was convinced that people would show up. They didn’t. Picture an exasperated server gently but firmly telling me, “Um. Girl, we need this table, okay, hun.” It was a rough night, but I lived. And so did BConnected.)
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: If you’ve got a story to tell — even a little one — I hope you’ll share it with us. P.S. Your story can also be anonymous! Learn more about writing your story for our blog.
— Principle Six: Symbols —
“Symbols are powerful tools in building community because they quickly remind us of our values, identity, and commitment in a community. Using symbols is a way to make communities stronger. Symbols represent a set of ideas and values, which is to say, they often represent many things at once. They can conveniently stand in for many words.”
— Charles H. Vogl
Symbols matter. A single image can carry a whole feeling. A shape, a color, a vibe — they remind us who we are, what we stand for, and how we want to show up for each other.
When BConnected became a nonprofit, I knew it was time for a rebrand. Our old logo was… doing too much. It had a rainbow, a Colorado flag, and so many colors it looked like it was trying to win a design contest and run for office. Plus, the rainbow keeps changing (as it should), and I didn’t want to be forever trapped in a version of it that couldn’t evolve with us.
So I found Elissa Stanick-Woods from Woodsy Creative Co, a rad-as-fuck Bi graphic designer, and gave her the weirdest creative brief ever: “I want the rainbow… but not the rainbow. I want it to feel fluid. I want it to feel like a soft landing. Like joy. Like the beginning of something new.”
And she nailed it.
Not only did she design a gorgeous new logo that holds space for fluidity and warmth, she also created dozens of custom “B” graphics — one for every kind of B. We called it a B for every B. It was such a beautiful reflection of how expansive and diverse our community really is. A handful of those custom Bs are scattered throughout the BConnected site now, like little love notes tucked into the corners of our digital home.
Our new graphics and symbols say BConnected without shouting. They hold the feeling of finding your people. That moment matters — and now it has a look and a feel we can all connect with.
We even did a little vlog interview together where she talked about her process and what inspired her designs. If you haven’t seen it, you can check it out here — it’s a fun behind-the-scenes look at the love that went into shaping our visual identity.
Symbols may seem small, but they carry a big weight. They make us recognizable. They help us feel proud. And when they’re done right, they remind us what it feels like to belong.
Not to mention, we get to eventually put them on MERCH! One of my all-time favorite things.
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: Buy a few stickers from BConnected the next time you see me! And keep an eye out for when we start selling fun hoodies and hats. Insert pics of stickers.
— Principle Seven: Inner Rings —
“Mature and strong communities create different levels of inner rings that members can enter (not to be superior snobs but to serve differently). At each level, members gain some benefits related to their maturation of formation. The benefits could include new access, knowledge, authority, acknowledgement, or respect. Groups have many different names for these inner rings.”
— Charles H. Vogl
At first glance, “inner rings” might sound like a hierarchy. Like we’re trying to create cliques or levels of worthiness. That’s not what this is about.
In healthy, mature communities, inner rings aren’t about status — they’re about service, care, and commitment. They’re about growth. The idea is simple: people show up in different ways at different times in their lives. Some folks are just passing through. Others want to get more involved, to help co-create and tend to this community. Inner rings are a way to honor that progression, not a requirement, not a judgment. Just an invitation.
Every ring matters. Every role is valuable.
Here’s how it looks at BConnected:
The Outer Ring: Visitors. These are folks who are just checking us out. Maybe they saw an event on Meetup or got dragged to a game night by a friend. Maybe they don’t even know they’re part of a Queer community yet. That’s okay — we provide a soft landing no matter where someone is at in their Queer journey.
Next Ring In: Attendees. They’ve been to a few events, maybe joined the Meetup group, maybe lurk a little less on social media. These are people testing the waters, coming around more often. We don’t love the word “novices” — maybe “newBs”? (Bi humor, couldn’t resist.)
The Inner Ring: Community Members. These folks have decided they’re in. They’re not just attending — they’re contributing. Maybe they bring snacks, help clean up, offer rides, or give someone a warm welcome. They care about BConnected’s vibe, health, and future. They also become Sustaining Members and give BConnected a donation every month.
The Deeper Ring: Hosts and Educators. These members are the magic-makers. Hosts organize events, build connections, and help others feel at home. Hosting is one of the most powerful ways to invest in community, and we’re very grateful to them. This also includes people who host Skillshares! Side note: someday, it would be nice to give hosts a stipend, but we’ll need to get more donations to make that possible.
We also want to start facilitating workshops for Bi people. There are very few resources for Bi people who are coming out later in life and or are in relationships. We need dough for space and facilitars to make these happen. We’ll get there! It just might take a minute.
Core Ring: Leadership & Decision-Makers. This includes our board, our active volunteers, and people who are shaping the direction of the nonprofit. These folks hold the vision, make big decisions, apply for grants, manage logistics, and try to keep things running behind the scenes. We’re trying to avoid burnout culture, so we take turns when we can, and we try to make space for different leadership styles.
The Innermost Ring: Director. That’s me! I started BConnected when I was lonely and needed people like me. I ran it out of sheer stubbornness (and maybe a little desperation) for a while. There were moments I almost gave up — like when I was ready to scrap the whole thing, but Timmy convinced me to keep going. I believe in that kind of leadership: not giving up when it’s hard and having people around remind you why it matters.
The path through these rings is not mandatory. Some people hang out in the outer rings forever — and that’s wonderful. Others start in the middle and move out and back in again. Life is seasonal. Some years, we show up big; other years, we just need to be a guest.
This is not a ladder; it’s a spiral.
The rings just help us make space for every kind of involvement, and offer paths to grow deeper into the heart of the community if and when someone’s ready.
We need it all. We need you in whatever way you’re able to show up.
🌟 WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP: Decide what you want to bring to our community. Do you want to host an event, help host an event, or volunteer for BConnected in a “behind the scenes” way? We always need support with administrative help, fundraising, blogging, social media, event planning, helping with logistics, etc. We also need more Sustaining Members to make our vision possible.
— Conclusion —
So, there you have it — the seven principles of BConnected. They’re like the ingredients to a perfect, multi-layered cake that’s equal parts fun, deep, and totally life-changing (okay, maybe not life-changing, but close). We’ve got everything from rituals that ground us to inner rings that don’t involve fancy robes or secret handshakes but still make you feel special.
Do we have a clubhouse yet? No. Are we working on it? Yes. Will there be cake in that clubhouse? Maybe. But one thing is for sure: we’re building a space that celebrates the quirks, the wisdom, the growth, and, yes, the occasional tantrum (just ask Timmy). Whether you’re here for the brunch, game nights, or you’re still deciding whether to be a “newB” or a “veteran,” we want you to know: you’re exactly where you need to be.
So, let’s keep showing up. Let’s make rituals, tell stories, and maybe even get matching tattoos someday. Who’s to say? The important thing is, we’re in this together.
And hey, no pressure, but we might need someone to help with the merch soon. Just saying.
Welcome to the community,
Three Brodsky,
Founder and President of BConnected Colorado 🌈