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By Ethan Gregoire. While I was certain I was bisexual, I was hesitant to use that phrasing. At the same time, I didn’t want to confine myself to a label, and I craved the knowledge that there was a cut-and-dry label I could call home. The tug-of-war stemmed from simply wanting to exist as queer on the one hand, and wanting to know what “type” of bisexual I was (was I pansexual, or perhaps on the aromantic or asexual spectrums too?) on the other.

I wanted so badly in that moment to say I was bi. I had already looked up that word in the English-Chinese dictionary months before. The official translation was shuangxinglian, literally translating as “double sex love.” I didn’t know the slang for it yet.